We were warned about the lack of sleep. We knew it was real but there is nothing like experiencing it for yourself. For me, its not so much the lack of sleep as it is the lack of strength. Despite being able to hold a baby in my arms for an hour, I still lack physical strength. Is that called energy? Maybe. Often times I can't muster the strength to fold laundry or go for a run or cook a good meal.
Perhaps the scariest part of this is the lack of mental strength. I am a confident person but all of a sudden I am unsure of EVERY decision. Self doubt and worry creep in to my everyday life. I doubt my ability daily. I don't think these feelings are unique to me. I think all new parents feel this way.
So, all this to say, my first year of mothering has been a lesson in trust.
I have asked my self this question many times: "Can I do this?"
And the answer is NO.
I cannot do this.
Not on my own, anyways.
But I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength.
Not in addition to.
Not next to.
In one side and out the opposite side of. Among or between; in the midst of. By way of. From beginning to end; completely.
We were not meant to do this alone. So if I am expecting to find the strength within myself or from my husband, I'm gonna be searching for a long time!
When I pray the prayer "Lord, give me the strength" he answers.
Do I have an abundance of strength?
Do I have extra strength at the end of the day?
Everyday I have to trust that He will give me ENOUGH strength to get through today.
Enough to parent and work and wife (as a verb).
Enough physical strength to rock and nurse and play.
Enough mental strength to be joyful and intentional and make decisions.
Just enough today. Just enough tomorrow.