Thursday, September 4, 2014

Both Worlds.

I have always known that I would be a working mom.
I love my job, but that did not make it any easier to start working.
I tried to ease my way into it. Having Neil bring her for lunch last week, having a sitter for a couple of hours. Mom watched her for 6 hours while we went to the football game on Sunday.

Today was the first day a daycare and I just couldn't do it.
Neil dropped her off.
I picked her up, thinking she would greet me with smiles and cuddles.
She just look at me desperately. I tried to put her in the carseat but she just screamed!
Could it be that she just wanted to be held? I don't know but I held her anyways.
The care takers said she slept for 20 minutes the whole day!
I pushed her in the stroller around the mall and she fell asleep pronto! I wanted her to keep sleeping so I pushed. and pushed. and pushed for 1.5 hours. I don't know what the answers are so as we figure all of this out I'm just writing to ask for your prayers for peace.

It seems she just wants to be held.
She wakes up during the night not to eat.
She hates her crib. Tolerates the bassinet (which she is growing out of) and loves our bed.
So many contradictary ideas run thorough my mind.
    Let her self soothe.
    How dare you let her cry it out.
    Nursing in your bed is fine.
    She should be in her crib by now.
    She needs to fall asleep on her own.
    It's too quiet when she naps. Why can't she nap at daycare? (duh)

I'm not sure there is a right answer and every family is different. My decisions are based on two ideas.I want to be able to do my job well and I want to parent well, too!

So please, prayers - or advise.
(I am not offended by advise as long as you are not offended if I don't take it)

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